What Would You Do 

My next requested blog is a little lighter than the last one- I’ll leave this one anonymous, only because I totally am not sure how this person feels about their ex, however this would be my reaction to the question asked… feel free to let me know what you would do. 


So, you’re sitting at home relaxing. Your phone rings. It’s your ex. You are not sure whether or not you really feel like talking to him, you contemplate just hitting the “fuck you” button. 
Fuck- you hit the damn green button instead of the red one! ( the red one we all know is the “fuck you” button) 

Now your left with two choices, one, you speak to him, two, you pretend he got your voicemail and you instantly turn in to that annoying voice you hear on other people’s phones, “you’ve reached blah blah blah, please leave a message at the beep”  

Except now you’ve waited just a hair to long thinking about it, so you have to speak! You say hello. Hello. How are you? Great! That’s good! I need to ask you a favor. A favor ?(thinking to yourself )  I’m not even sure I want to be speaking to you or even like you, but you want to ask me for a favor ? Okay, sure, what’s the favor ? 

You hold your breath, what could he possibly want ? Does he need money ? Is he in jail? ( no he can’t be, he didn’t call collect- thank God! ), does he need a ride somewhere ? 

He takes so long to say anything you have to ask him again, okay, what’s the favor? 

Please don’t say no, I know how much you love animals and I really need you to say yes! 

What? 

Well, my girlfriends mom, well, we had to put her into a nursing home. We didn’t want to but it was the best thing for her. 

Okay.

Well, she has a cat, and well I know how much you really really really love animals. 

Ummm…. okay… 

Well, do you think you could possibly find it in your heart , because I know how much you really really really love animals, to take the cat and keep it, and love it, and feed it , because I know how much you really really really love animals ?!? 

Umm… so … 

I know you really really really really love animals …. 

Ummmm … so… you want me to take in your girlfriends moms cat, to keep it , love it, and feed it ??? Because you know how much I really really really love animals ? ( thinking to yourself, “I’m not sure if I like them that much at this point, what do I say? What do I do? Fuck how do you explain this to people … oh yeah that’s my ex husbands girlfriends moms cat, I took it in to keep it, love it, and feed it, because she’s in a nursing home, and although I don’t like him very much, I just really really really really LOVE animals”) 

Sure okay… bring me the cat. 

Fuck, I really really really love animals ! 

Loving An Addict

My first prompted blog from Facebook is a Doosie. My cousin Brad asked me to write about what family members go through when someone they love is an addict. 

My first thought when he asked me to write it was to protect him. I asked him if he wanted it to be anonymous or if he cared if I told people who asked me to write it. His response ? “I could care less if it’s anonymous or not, I just want the word out, unless you’re embarrassed by me.” 

That sentence right there … it broke my heart. I could never and would never be embarrassed by him. I guess I never made that clear to him over the years while he struggled with his addiction. 

We were very close growing up. He would stay at my house and we use to have the best times. He was always a story teller, you never really knew if he was full of shit or actually telling the truth. I remember one time he had a cut on his ear, my sister and I asked him what happened. Here was his response: ( I might be ad – libbing  here a little because this was about 35 years ago) 

“OMG, you’re not going to believe this ! I went to check the mail for my mom, and a HUGE snake jumped out of the mailbox and bit me on my ear !!”  Bullshit – his mom cut him with a pair of scissors while cutting his hair. Like I said you never knew whether or not to believe him. 

Other than my dad, he was the first boy I ever loved. We were partners in crime, cousins, always in trouble. We were close in age and always seemed to be able to find trouble, or it found us .. either way we both spent a lot of time at granny’s sitting by the chair of one of our parents, secretly planning our escape. 
When I found out he was an addict I was gone. I had gotten married and moved away, and I felt guilty for leaving him. I know he never knew this, but I did. I left him all alone in the disfucntion that he had grown up in. I use to believe that I was somehow saving him from it when he would be at my house with us, although we had disfunction in our own home as well, just a different kind. 

He hurt a lot of people over the years. Mostly his parents, our grandparents, and my sister. I was gone so he couldn’t hurt me, right? He couldn’t lie to me and steal from me. I didn’t always have to watch him get clean, only to realapse again. I think that’s very hard for the people that have opened their doors to you, the fact that you have stolen from them, and lied to them over and over again. It’s like the little girl who cried wolf. They don’t know if they can believe you, because every time they have , you’ve fucked them over. I never had to be the one to clean up the pieces, because I was gone. 

When you love someone that’s an addict you believe them anyway. Because you have to. Because your heart wants it to be true. 

When I would come home I would always ask to see him, sometimes I could, and it was great, he was clean and sober. My heart would soar in thankfulness and hope. Only to call a few weeks later and ask about him, to be told he’s using again. There it went again, my heart – broken in pieces again, tears, hot, running down my cheeks. Shaking my head, wondering what the fuck his problem was, why couldn’t he just get his shit together and be good to those who loved him??? Why couldn’t he get clean for all of us ??? Why couldn’t he do it for our grandparents ??? 

Speaking of which – my grandma got sick, she passed away. We came from Delaware to go to the funeral. Where is Brad ? We don’t know. What??!  He’s using again. What??! Does he know granny died ??! No, we can’t find him. What??! I was so confused. I was so fucking mad! How dare you start using again and miss your granny’s funeral?!?? How fucking dare you??! Then just as quickly I was heartbroken that you missed your chance to say goodbye to her, because I know how much you loved her, I know if you were clean and sober you would have been there, heartbroken, with us all. At that moment , I wanted to hate you. I wanted to hate you so bad, but I could’t. I know she has forgiven you. She always did. 

 I know that you are still in there. The Brad I love, the little trouble maker that loves me right back! I know you are there!! 

When you have a loved one that’s an addict you wait for the call. You wait to hear that they are gone. You wait, and you HOPE that that day never comes. You live in fear that it will. You want to shake them, smack them, make them understand the gravity of it all. 

The fact of the matter is, as much hell as they put their families through, they are living that hell every day as well. 

My cousin has been clean and sober for a little over 6 months. He is living in a sober community that is free for him to stay as long as he tests clean for his urine tests. He takes suboxone for his pain and the place he lives monitors it for him. He’s going to school full time and he will be done in 18 months. He will be a licensed chemical dependency counselor when he is finished. 

So no Brad, I am not embarrassed by you. I am PROUD of you. It has been a long struggle for you. I’m glad that everyday you are becoming stronger. I am hopeful that you will remain on this path, and I have faith that you will continue to make me and everyone who loves you proud. 

We love you. 

DATING- through the eyes of a BFF 


My best friend, who just so happens to live with my husband and myself, started dating recently.

 A couple of friends at work were talking about this site called bumble, so of course I was intrigued and asked them about it. When I found it was a dating site I wanted to know what all the fuss was about. Not for me of course, because I’m a happily married woman. However , why couldn’t I live vicariously through my best friend, who just happens to be single and ready to mingle ? 

This bumble site is almost like a game- you have to swipe left, or you have to swipe right. If you swipe right it means you like what you see, if you swipe left, well adios potential man of your dreams ! The best part about this site is that the man cannot reach out to the woman first. The woman has to make initial contact! Awesome right ? 

After hearing all about this site, I can’t wait to go home to tell my BFF all about it ! I get home and I basically force her to make a profile, thinking man are we about to have some fun. We quickly learned that our taste in men is completely opposite, I was swiping right and she was looking at me as though she was going to murder me. So I gave her phone back to her, so much for living vicariously through her! 😀 She occasionally lets me play, but I really think she’s afraid I’m going to pick a nerd for her… lol 

Anyway, that’s neither here nor there… she has been on a few dates since making her profile. They have been interesting to say the least. 

One of the guys was quite a character – he came over for game night… man oh man it was hard to control myself with that one… he couldn’t even figure out how to play skipbo … I don’t think her and o have laughed so hard in our entire lives … he was pretty entertaining, but needless to say that was the first and last time we saw him… she’s had a couple more and well, the first date never turns into a second date … she called one guy a mother fucker because he asked if was gonna be coming up to the apartment after their date to the movies – she said “no motherfucker you’re not” Yup, no filter on her at all… lol 

I have to say I’m so glad I’m not in the dating scene anymore – Florida has very few good quality men that are single and looking for more than a “wham bam, thank you ma’am” kinda fling … not that she has sex with them, because she isn’t allowed until the 4th date – rules set ….. lol 
Get  your shit together men! 

And until then : 

I told her to have fun with it , enjoy some dinner and fun… date a bunch of those “mother fuckers” , because you know they’re doing the same! 

WTF 

Have you ever thought:

“What the fuck am I doing with my life ?” 

That’s where I am at right now. 

What do I wanna be when I grow up? Yeah I know, I’m gonna be 45. So what! 

Everyday is a new day. Everyday I learn something new about myself. I have dreams and aspirations, I’m just not clear on what exactly those are as of now. 

You know that toy when we were growing up that has a paddle and a ball attached to it by a rubber band type of thing ? Do they still make those ? Damn, what are they called? Paddle ball? Well that’s how I feel lately, like I have a paddle ball game going off in my head. I’m all over the place. 

I have all these ideas, and I bounce them around in my brain, and then I blurt them out! I know my husband probably thinks I’m completely bat shit crazy. That’s okay though, he promised to love me through it all. This will be a true testament to that oath. 

A few things that I’ve been bouncing around : 

( all to supplement income, you know, until I become a millionaire like they encourage you to do, hell they say it’s possible, and some of them might even give me a car if I’m really good at it.. ) 

  • Rodan and fields 
  • Nerrium
  • Lularoe buy in. 
  • Microblading ( because that shit is cool as hell! )

I was thinking , once I become a millionaire I could always throw a few of these together and become a billionaire ! 

I’d also like to be a singer ( because I think I have an amazing voice especially after a few fiery mules… )

Fiery Mule

  • 1 part fire ball 
  • 2 parts ginger beer 
  • Splash of pineapple juice 
  • Fresh squeezed lime 

You’re welcome. 

Until next time my friends, try that shit… its delicious ! 💜

#WTF #mylayki #paddleball #batshitcrazy